The Embrace of Me

I am sure you knew me: I was that random kid that used to enjoy being by myself, the one who asked the weirdest questions…actually, the one who always had lots of questions, the one who was always asking why things were the way they were, the one who never seemed to march in line, who didn’t understand thinking out of the box because I could see none. I am sure you knew me, the one with the weird answers, the strange solutions, the one who paused when everyone ran and who ran when everyone paused…and when I say “everyone”, that is, again, another subjective term because the truth is there were so many others like me. 

However, as one starts to grow in understanding of the world, you start to realize that there are many angles to life, you start to learn that your ideas are not really original, you start to realize that so many things you accepted were wrong, you start to realize that your observations were flawed, that the answers you proffered were faulty, that you could not trust yourself but that you need to make sure you listen to what others have to say ALL the time, that there is “safety in multitudes”, that standing out is not the best way to be, but you should see yourself always as part of the whole, always contributing to the crowd, being relevant to the masses and making decisions based on what is trendy and popular…

I believed those lies.

I learnt not to trust my judgment but found out it was always better to find out what others were doing to validate my experiences – or debunk them. If there were original concepts I had that proved unpopular and that evoked scoffing instead of praise, something had to be wrong with my ideas. It could not be that the other person was too small-minded to see what I could see in the vibrant eyes of my mind. As I let go of my creativity, I slowly lost the ability to differentiate boundaries from being bound.

One of the undeniable laws of life is that of sowing and reaping. Infact, it governs all, and as an individual uses less and less of his talents, his gifting, his PERSONALITY, like a muscle that is unused, atrophy sets in and the individual slowly loses that tool that unused – and one loses himself/herself. It is this reason that many are insecure. I, currently, reside in a nation where everyone is religious or knows scriptures, but I take a look around and I observe a nation of total insecurity where people behave like dogs and the ones who have the largest bark feels most important. Actually, it is a nation where the loudest bark is often rewarded by another dog-in-the-making who has let go of speech and virtue and has learned to bark…like the crowd.

Sadly, what I have come to realize is that society and culture are largely the very tools that break the individual, because these, in themselves, are broken tools that can only churn out imperfect individuals, broken products of a broken society. As the child grows, he hears a lot of “NOs” and “DONTs”, much like the broken Old Testament system of “thou shall not”. He learns that learning, examining, curiosity, prodding, probing – all of which come naturally – are “wrong” and slowly learns not to “prove all things”. 

He goes to school which rewards minimal understanding but encourages rote, thinking SOLELY within the box and a squelching of creative expression. He learns from life and people that kindness is weakness, brashness is strength, greed is ambition, “good deeds” are worthless if they do not result in gain, never to question authority and to embrace the voice of authority as truth, never to stand alone even when life demands it, never to commit totally to an ideal till there is a change based on an increase in understanding, to watch out only for oneself, to sacrifice friends when the price is right, to clone rather than create…

And all around in society, you see the result of that broken system: Drivers who never give way for others; religious institutions full of seemingly brain-dead individuals who only come alive at the prospect of gain via spiritual means; creative souls who let go of ALL giftings in the pursuit of a 9 – 5; leaders of the people who do anything but lead, teachers who do more breaking than teaching…and YOU. You who would grab all you can without thought of others, who is solely motivated by what you can get, who feels that talking tough and brashness is strength, who finds comfort in your “bling” and gold because you have no strength on the inside that will endure even if all physical trappings are taken away…because you have had YOU taken away from YOU...

With age comes maturity and understanding and I slowly realized I wasn’t strange, I was just unique. I was not meddlesome; I was just curious and analytical. I wasn’t acting tough; I was a natural leader. I wasn’t stupid; I was just a calculated risk taker. I was not proud; I was just unimpressed with the shallow nature of “authority” in many quarters. I wasn’t rebellious, I was radical. I wasn’t weak; I was simply human with needs and liked to be held, needed, loved, appreciated, commended, shown how to do things and treated decently like any human being…though I had my own flaws because (don’t forget) I am the product of a broken society and a broken world.

So I found myself and slowly have come to believe in my strengths. It’s ok to be smart, strong, creative and passionate – and it’s ok not to know it all, or have all the right answers all the time. It’s ok to be wrong sometimes, to grow in knowledge and in stature and to live life with a focus on the things that will really matter in the end – things like love, fulfillment, virtue and the embrace of the divine…and same goes for you.

I sincerely hope that when you have taken time to go inwards to find and know yourself, that you also find the needed strength to just be yourself.